How to Free Yourself from Comparison

by - October 15, 2018


As social beings we tend to compare ourselves to others whether that would be our social circle, friends, family or even someone we have never met on the internet. It's easy, often it comes automatically and we don't give it a second thought until we start to think and feel the consequences. Comparison at its core can be neutral, but the way we use it is what we have an issue with. The problem further deepens when we start to use comparison as a measuring scale or a norm of what we have, what we don't have and what others have and don't have. Then it ends up as a downright spiral. Here's the thing, though, you can let go of comparing yourself to others and fully free yourself from feeling low, negative or bad in any way as a result of it. It's not impossible, okay?


By comparing ourselves to others we can lose ourselves into what we think we "should" be. As we watch how others think or act, we can start wondering why we are not more like them. Is there something wrong with us? Do we have to try harder to be better? If we become what they are, will we get where we want to be? Would be more liked? The answer to all of these questions is simply "no". You don't have try harder, there's nothing wrong with you being different from your friends and family. The only way you can really get where you want to be is by being your authentic self. You can't live someone else's life and expect it to make you truly happy. It can make that person happy, because that's their life. But it's not yours.

Your desires are intertwined with your true essence (i.e. personality, dreams, values, identity, soul calling, strengths and imperfections). We have these desires because of the way they would make us feel. No one deeply wants something, just because. We desire, so we can feel a certain emotion within us. That's the emotion you want to feel, so that's the desire you grow and the only way to feel it is by being you.


Trust yourself that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Trust yourself that the person you are is who you are supposed to be. Fully believe in yourself and how your life is unfolding. Pause, let go of the "race" and live life at your own pace. The thing with comparing yourself to others is that you don't know, you can only guess. You don't really know what they have and what life stage they are at, you don't really know how they've achieved something. You can only guess. What looks to be something on the outside is not necessarily the same on the inside. People are complex, just like you, they can portray a certain version of themselves, they can allude to certain things, but who knows what the truth is? You won't really know and you don't need to.

That's the reality they are living and you can only focus on the reality you want to create. Your life is worthy to be as you want it to be, you are worthy of expanding it not by using others as a measure. Instead trust it. Trust your voice and your gifts. Trust that feeling within you that guides you. It is the only indication you need of making sure you are on the right track. It is the only measure you need to know what to do. Not others.


Here comes the practical part. If you are really committed to feeling, tasting and embodying a lasting change (and I know you are!), it's time to take some action towards making it happen. And remember, it doesn't have to be hard. It can be easy as long as you are consistent and not critical of yourself.

Think about what are your triggers of comparison. What usually inclines you to start comparing yourself to others? Is it a conversation you have had with a friend? Is it perhaps scrolling down the social media feed (we all do that, so there's no judgment here)? Your triggers could be anything, but you are the only one who knows. So take a moment to reflect on this and once you have a better awareness of your habits, we can make some real changes.

Create a list of actions that you are going to stick to daily. There's no point in writing in something unrealistic that you know you are not going to do at this early stage of your progress, so pick something that you are very much ready to implement. For example, this could be unfollowing people on social media who trigger your comparisons. It could be creating some healthy boundaries with that friend who you end up comparing yourself to. It may seem a bit harsh, but think about it this way - you are either going to allow your triggers to serve as a mirror to what you need to see in yourself and allow them to inspire you to get where you want to be or you are going to continue the downright spiral of comparison. The choice is as always your and yours only. You know what's best for you as long as you are honest with yourself.

Have a day of love and ease and hit the comment button below to share your thoughts! I'd love to see how your journey of freeing yourself from comparison is going!


Inner Quiet is all about you. We will tackle the thoughts and fears of living in a world that keeps going even when you feel that you need a break. When a stressful life wraps you in its claws with no-way-out, we will try to show you another possibility, another solution, another way. No matter what you do or what you want to see yourself doing, we want to help you to shine through you. To be a human is hard enough without the constant pressure of being perfect and in this day and age we might feel it's impossible to live free of self-imposed constraints and others' expectations. Let's prove it wrong.

Previously on Inner Quiet - Learning to Accept Uncertainty

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